OFC

Chris Ewan

A gritty defender traditionally found on the right hand side of the Oatlands back four. Not known for his technical abilities but his marking, tackling and ability in the air suggests he could play anywhere across the back. His endless energy and enthusiasm makes him an absolute menace for any attacker.

Position	Full Back
Date of Birth	19th July 1979
Alias	Mr E, P*ss, 00E
Previous Teams	Brooklands FC
Drink of Choice	Fosters
Supports	Liverpool

Tell us a bit about yourself Chris

Professionally I'm an elegant full back, equally as comfortable with my right foot as I am with my left, I like to think of myself as the Jamie Carragher of Oatlands FC, versatile and dependable and everyone knows he's brilliant but won't say so in public. My specialty is my throw ins, Although the ref often blows his whistle and gives the ball to the opposition, apparently you have to keep both feet on the ground and release the ball before it passes your head?? I swear the refs make up the rules as they go along, clearly jealous of my fine technique.
I live in the part of East Weybridge more commonly known as Hersham with my lady and our cat. 'Mental note for all visitors' don't touch the cat or look at her directly in the eyes, she's f*cking lethal.
I am 9125 days old and I'd probably say I was more of a breast then a
leg man.

This season you gained the name "Ikea Ewan", what do you have to say about this?

Never been, never going to go. You bunch of b*stards.

Please tell us 3 fascinating facts that everyone should know?

1 - If I were an international footballer I would be eligible to play
for England, Ireland, Scotland and Poland. I'd probably get a game for Scotland if I turned up at Hamden with my boots, I'm that good (or bad)
2 - I'm a literary award winner - I wrote a novel and Michael Aspel presented me with a Frisbee for my efforts. I was 6.
3 - I only have 3 fingers on my right hand (contrary to popular belief,
I do NOT have 3 testicles)

You're a bit of a James Bond fan, what are the top 3 Bond films?

Great question, I can see you've done your homework. It would have to be:
1 - Live and Let Die (the crocodile scene is Bond at his best)
2 - Dr No (he had metal hands for goodness sake!, still scares me)
3 - Goldeneye (also a very good computer game that I never quite managed to master)

I'd have to seriously consider it if they asked me to be the new James
Bond, It's a big responsibility but I think I'm up to the task. I'm not sure what the contractual situation would be with OFC but I'm sure the management would release me to chase my dreams.

I hear you recently have taken up golf, how's that been going?

Similar to footy really, I spend a lot of time chasing the white ball but never seem to find it. I'd be brilliant if you could pick the ball up and throw it, I get lots of practice taking the throw ins for Oatlands. I'm good at that. Really, really good!

If we opened your CD player now, what CD would we find?

Why, what have you heard? It's not true whatever it is. Someone must have stolen my car and left the Busted CD in there. It's not mine. Seriously though, if you opened it right now you would find the new Kelis CD, she gets her t*ts out on the cover you know, wicked!! If I'm honest that's probably why I bought it. Hope Karen isn't reading this.