Phil joined Oatlands in our first season, bringing to a close the very short managerial career of our chairman Steve Gilliver. Since that time he has displayed an amazing amount of patience with the players and is finally getting some reward for his efforts and the now the team are finally playing some great football based around a core of players who have been there since the start. We all take the mickey out of Phil because he often harps back to his own glory days on the pitch, but last year, despite carrying a career ending injury he played in a competitive game against Hambledon in the Premier Cup. Admittedly it was the full 90 minutes but he showed a few magic touches, helping us to a superb win against much higher ranked opposition. Oatlands FC couldn't do without Phil, off the pitch he's one of us, but come Thursday night and match days, he undoubtedly commands the respect of all the players and has without question, improved the ability of everyone on the team. Away from the football pitch and during the day he teaches the children of the rich and famous at Claremont , at night or at weekends you'll usually find him lurking in the Flintgate or in the Prince of Wales cheering on QPR. Read on for a fascinating insight into the world of Phil Barr.

I was born in the ghetto that is Shepherds Bush and after a tough up bringing on the streets and mixing with all the gangsta rappers from the west side moved to leafy Surrey in 2000. It was a lucky escape as most of my friends are either banged up or were mown down in drive by's. I am happily married to the beautiful Emma with no kids and am Head of Year 11 at Claremont Fan Court School , that means in charge of GCSE's to those without any who happen to read this. I miss the multi cultural area I grew up in……..about as much as a bad case of piles!

Were you much of a player then?

I played a good level of football if that's what you mean and I liken myself to a Roy Keane midfield bulldog. I always played in the middle of the park with some fancy footed homos so I did all the graft and the nasty work. Always had a good touch and most importantly a good football brain (I think!). I would be most like Furno in the OFC team, but with the added ability to control, pass, dribble and shoot. (Sorry mate!)

How did you get into football management?

I was cruelly robbed of my international career that was about to take off playing a game of netball, yeah laugh it up you C's. I ruptured 2 major ligaments in my knee, tore the cartilage and chipped some bone. You have to be a tough girl for that game! Anyway the world of football went into mourning until they realised that I could pass on my extensive knowledge to others and the word would be spread. I am like a modern day messiah!

What are your credentials?

Long and with girth

If you were a super hero, what would be your name and what would be your powers?

That's easy I'd be Foda. Just like Yoda but teaching the football force to the whole galaxy. I would be able to use my foot saber to ward off all chirpy C's from the football world and ensure I protect my young padawans as they battle to restore the mighty OFC to its rightful place against the evil pikey chavvy scum empire that threatens to dominate our beautiful game ( Feck knows how you spell that!)

When you're not managing the club what are your other hobbies and interests?

Playing golf (badly), drinking (badly), Making love (superbly), abusing northern folk (sorry Gravy) and reciting 18 th century Japanese poetry.

What's the best bit about managing OFC?

Listening to all the positivity from the lads!!!!!!

What's the worst bit about managing OFC?

Listening to all the positivity from the lads!!!!!!

Who is your footballing idol and why?

Stan Bowles, Played like a God and drank like a fish. Should have been one of the most capped Englishmen ever. Another has to be the great Diego Armando Maradona. I was lucky enough to see him play at Ossie Ardiles testimonial which was before most of you C's were born. Pure class and simply a magician with a football.

Tell us one fascinating fact that everyone should know?

Lobsters mate for life so when you eat one you leave one heartbroken. Solution……eat 2!

See me privately Tim and I will give you my tips. You really need them mate as your peninsula is slowly departing form the rest of your thinning hair. I am so happy to see you becoming a McDonalds logo like me as I have listened to your B.S for years now and finally the worm has turned……..Baldy

How long before Steven Gerrard leaves that tin pot club you support?