GEOFF...MIKE...HARPS(1)...JARV...ROB H...POD...JIM B...DOM...2-GUN... FURNO...STU(2).... JORDY ...ELLIOT

Quite frankly this game was lost long before it had started and everything that we talked about getting rid of at the end of last year has all come back and established itself back in the mentality of the club.

Every player in the club knows that in order to prepare for a game we need to at the very least, be at training on Thursday (or if not have the courtesy to let Phil or Steve know if you can't make it), let Phil or Jim know if you are available by Thursday so the preparations can be made for the match, I.e. picking the squad. Finally; getting to either the Flintgate for 1pm or the ground by 2pm.

At 1.30pm on Saturday the Manager of the Football Club, who gives up his Saturday afternoon to run the team had absolutely no idea who was playing. The usual 6 people (including Beater and Phil) were setting up and the entire Heath End squad were already at the ground eager to get changed and prepare for the match.

I don't know if anyone has seen one of those 70's zombie movies, where the living dead bear down their victims by shuffling very slowly, groaning and popping out of dark corners one by one to attack the innocent? Well, that what we looked like when groups of hungover players turned up at 10 minute intervals.

When the players went in to the changing room. Those left outside agreed that this was probably going to be a very bad day and there was little more that could be done from those who run the club for those that represent it on the field.

When we came out the changing room, this time like a pack of zombies, we still had time to do a lethargic warm up and practice the sort of clever flicks that would probably be used extensively throughout the game. Most crucially of all, a couple of players also found time (as Phil said they would) to ask if we could play the match with the new premiership standard match ball the club provides.

Despite our shambolic efforts at preparation for the game, we got off to a pretty good start, kicking up the slight slope and into the wind. At the back there was a couple of forced changes and 2-Gun filled in a Centre Back and Dom at Right back. But despite the changes we looked comfortable and 2-Gun and Furno looked comfortable in the air and coming out of defence with the ball at their feet.

Our midfield, consisting of Jordy, Harps, Mike and Elliot also started well and were extremely industrious. Up front Jim Beckram and Stuart looked hungry, held the ball up well and made a number of searching runs for the midfield to find.

So industrious was the whole team that the Heath End team spent the majority of the first 15 minutes complaining to the ref as they fell victim to a number of crunching OFC tackles.

I never thought that I would say this, but we opened the scoring after Jim Beckram climbed above his marker and flicked the ball on with his head to put Stu through on goal, despite the shock of receiving the ball from a collectors piece Jim Beckram header, Stu composed himself and with a cool finish, he buried the ball to make it 1-0 to OFC.

Our opener bought the Heath End team out of their shells and we were now the team on the back foot as Heath End revved themselves up to try and get back into the match.

Initially we dealt well with the pressure and both Harps and Mike covered an immense amount of ground to provide the back four with support where needed. Our wide midfielder doubled up with our full backs and apart from giving away some clumsy free kicks we looked pretty solid.

We did eventually succumb to the pressure and a shot on the turn put Heath End level. 1-1.

From the sideline we were clearly rocked by goal. You could tell because we all stood round looking at each other in amazement that they had scored and hands immediately went on hips and heads dropped. Heath End must have licked their lips and sharpened their knives as they prepared to launch a 10 minute assault on our goal that saw them score 4 more times in 10 minutes.

I can't remember all the goals but there were at least 2 unchallenged headers from corners and at least one other goal was as a result of a horrendously poor attempt to play the ball out of the defence.

From the side it was laughable stuff. At one point one of our centre backs had the ball at his feet and dribbled it across the pitch, he was then inexplicably tackled by another OFC player, the ball spilled loose toward a Heath End attacker and Geoff saved the day.

Again, the OFC team fell into a deafening silence in which we tackled each other, passed the ball to the opposition and offered little resistance to the opposition.

There have been times when we have played and even thrashed some poor teams and come off the pitch amusing ourselves at how bad the opposition were, but the sad reality is that for 15 minutes in the first half of this game and for much of the second half of last week we were probably the worst team I have seen in this league.

Thankfully we managed to stem the tide until half time.

I would like think that most of the players knew what was coming at half time. Without beating round the bush Phil told the team that they were a bunch of cowards with no balls. Individually yes there were some decent performances from Mike and Dom, but it's like a tug of war match where you might have the Jeff Capes and Hulk Hogan on your team but you're still going to lose if the rest of the team isn't pulling their weight against the 11 guys on the other side.

If Steve had been filming the match, he would have earned himself £250 from you've been framed which could have been put behind the bar at the Christmas do. From the re-start, firstly we tried to kick off before the ref blew his whistle. Then, when the referee did blow his whistle our two players appeared to tackle each other from the centre spot, the ball went loose and Heath End were allowed to rush through and nearly score.

Phil's harsh words at half time obviously had the desired on the team, as we pulled our socks up and looked a lot more determined than the sorry bunch that had trudged off at half time. At the back we were once again a solid and determined unit and we looked as though organization and a safety first approach were our number one priorities.

In midfield we were best described a dogged, and Elliot, Djimi, Harps and Mike started to give our back four much better protection and allowed us to claw our way back into the game and maybe build a platform from which some type of Lazarus type comeback could be achieved.

Up front we were forced to substitute the injured Mark Jordan for the injured and slightly more portly than usual Steve Sweeting. Jim Beckram made way and went to Right Midfield. With Stu undoubtedly required to do all the running it was hoped that maybe even an injured and fatter than usual Steve Sweeting might be able to put together something a bit special and get us a goal.

In spite of the fact that we were making a contest of the second half, the match was pretty much a midfield stalemate in which both sets of teams dug in and fought but there was little, if any opportunities for either side in front of goal.

Mercifully it was OFC who made the breakthrough, some good work down the right involving Jim Beckram resulted in a square pass finding Harps just outside the box, and a classy lobbed finish gave Oatlands a glimmer of hope. But the score was still 5-2.

Our hopes of a point were effectively dashed 5 minutes later when the ball fell kindly to Heath End striker who made no mistake from close range, rolling the ball into the corner of the net. 6-2

Whether Heath End took their foot off the gas or whether there was still fight left in Oatlands, I don't know. But as the game drew towards its conclusion, we created a few additional opportunities and began to look as though we would go down fighting. Finally after 80 odd minutes we began to string a few passes together and it looked as though we might get something out of a counter attack. Sadly on to many occasions the killer ball was poorly executed and we didn't make the most of our attacks. We did however grab another consolation goal near the death, Pod received the ball midway in the Heath End half and twisted and turned allowing him the opportunity to get close to the Heath End box. Stewart who didn't stop running for the whole game caused confusion with a diagonal run and Pod found himself with just the keeper to beat. He struck his shot sweetly but the keeper parried the ball directly in to the path of Stu who was following up. Stu got his reward and second goal from close range. 6-3, and that how it ended.

Overall it was our second consecutive poor performance. Personally I think this result was decided before it started given our preperation. Our performance started off reasonably well but as soon as we conceded we played like little boys, who were shit-scared of the chavvy opposition who wanted to win the game more than us and subsequently destroyed us in 10 first half minutes. Yes, we won the second half but it was totally inconsequential.

What's the answer? Well, I don't think there is anything else that can be done by those off the pitch, we are probably as well equipped as many other teams of higher status, we have probably the best website in the league, which people like Beater and me spend hours on each week. We have floodlight training on grass and with full size goals. We also have more supporters than any other team in the league.

What we need to do is to stop thinking that we are all great at football, get down to training and work on our game, give Beater a bit of notice when we are doing some sort gayboy activity like having Sky delivered on a Saturday, and be men on the pitch rather than the sort of pussy cowards who point rather than speak or constantly moan when they've done fuck all and their team mate who has run his bollocks off makes a stray pass.

Next week we are away to bottom of the league Merrow A, a game that we have to win. We have played them before beating them 4-2 and losing 6-3, from what I can remember these were both fairly bad tempered affairs, so expect it to be rough next week.

On a final note, I have to mention that Chris Ewan was unable to play this week because he had an infected finger, which was very painful, Pod did play this week despite having a sprained ankle. The decision of “Team Fairy” will and in the interest of fairness be taken at the end of the season, but after pulling out of a game due to “menu tasting” it will come as a shocking blow to Dave Ewan that he has been so comprehensively outgunned by his sister. But, as Phil said before the game, you should never write Dave Ewan off.

On a positive note the Blue Hawaii is booked for December 16 th this year. For those who have not previously been this event makes a hardcore pub crawl round Weybridge look like a night of Menu tasting with Dave Ewan. OFC actually holds the record for biggest bar bill in one night, a whopping £2900. There are 30 places and anyone wanting to come needs to pay ASAP.

A massive thanks to all the supporters that came along this week. Your support as always is hugely appreciated by everyone at the club.

Next week I want to write some nice things, not spend the majority of my day toiling over how to put things in a way that wont offend people.